Dedicant's Work

Study Program











Pagan Student Association

CafePress Shop



To add your confession, go to the confession form.

Sender's name: Alias
Date: 10/21/2011

Sometimes, I just want someone else to help me. Not because I can't do it, but because I am tired of doing it alone. Sometimes, I crave it and find myself lonely because of it. I am always the strong one, and it has made me weak.

Sender's name: Oss
Date: 2 July 2011

What I need is to be alone for once, what I want is sex. All I can do is try to grab the nearest guy and fuck him until I feel something simply because I'm too scared of my own company. How can I deal feeling comfortable with the gods when I can't even feel comfortable with myself?

Sender's name: Changeling
Date: May 08 2010

I have realized that I need to grow as an individual and figure out who I am and that means leaving the ones I love behind.

Sender's name: A friend
Date: 03/29/2011

My life is suffocating me, but I am persevering because I have friends. I have alienated myself from most of them, and it's been so long since I've talked to many of them that I don't know what to say anymore. I sit alone a lot and wonder if anyone even cares. Then I see people I know face to face, and I know that I am loved. It's just a distant love. I wish my local friends didn't treat me like a long-distance relationship. I want to take the first step, but I don't know what to do.

Sender's name: Munchkin
Date: March 2011

Doctors who don't or cannot do their jobs: So a couple of years ago my ankle was damaged avoiding a car crash. It was not properly treated and I am now having to go through having an MRI done, as well as physio therapy, possible acupuncture and massage to treat it. Apparently the mechanics of my entire body are out of whack and had I had a decent doctor he would have seen me falling all the time at the age of 14 as a warning sign of something being wrong.

Sender's name: rickness
Date: january 28,2011

I'm 52...I love my 24 year old, nsa, fwb, anthony....
I'm too old for this shit....

Sender's name: hmm
Date: October 19, 2010

I need a new job. Really. As a pagan, what I do for a living just seems... not right for a pagan. I'd like to consult with a spiritual advisor on the subject sometime.

Sender's name: Confusion
Date: 25 September

Sometimes I just feel like life itself is falling apart and having trouble figuring out why I should even bother going through the motions anymore.

Sender's name: In the Hills
Date: April 16, 2010

The wind moves the trees, moves the grass, over the dusky rolling hills bringing the evening breeze into my windows as I wind down for the evening. It passes by unseen, bending the thin branches as its memory falls to the ground in the form of spring's petals abating to the green of leaves. From the eternal flow of life I have come, and to it I will someday return. Until then, I fly upon the breeze.

Sender's name: Sigh...
Date: Feb 15 2010

I hate that because of political correctness I can't be myself.

Sender's name: In the Hills
Date: February 15, 2010

I have typed and deleted, typed and deleted. Perhaps I'll have better luck on the next attempt.

Sender's name: alone
Date: 12.22.09

I wish some people would realize I don't tell them my whole life. I am a complex person (just like everyone else) and I keep a lot of things to myself.

I'm sorry I'm pessimistic. I'm sorry I'm ME. get over it. I'm not changing.

Confession requested not to be posted.

Sender's name: DayDreamBeliever
Date: 4Aug2009

Tired of making each other miserable for 2 years, my spouse & I have decided to split. It breaks my heart that my spouse refuses to see us after that because I want our little son to know how much my spouse loves him. I'm going back to pagan/new age spirituality & looking for someone rather than just finding myself in a relationship like I have always done in the past.

Sender's name: Caught
Date: 5/30/2009

I feel like I'm caught in a war between my true patrons and the Christian God. YHWH wants me for power, my patrons want me for love. I made a horrible mistake, and gave into the more powerful of the two. I've now been officially Roman Catholic for a month and 19 days. I had a dream, a vision in which my patrons visited me, crying. And now I'm so lost, so confused, and I just want to rest in their love. Have I separated myself from them for good? Am I condemned to follow a God whose only desire is to rule me, change me, make me less of myself?

This isn't the first time I've flipped between the two faiths. Will I ever just... make up my mind? Will this ever be less of a struggle for me? People get frustrated, angry that I seem to "convert" so often. But it's never a true conversion- I'm caught in this war, pulled between the two, stretched so thin I can hardly breathe.

Someone, please, show me truth.

Sender's name: Former Grovie
Date: 02 APR 2009

After a long abscence, I addended a public rite at my old grove. Oh how the mighty have fallen.... The energy was flat, the celebrants numb, the liturgy was handled with the care one give yard waste. Now I know how attendance went from the 70's and 80's to the teens and twenties. If only the ego's would just go away..... I confess, that if I would have stayed involved, I may have been able to affect some positive changes. Sorry.....

Sender's name: Padraig
Date: 3-25-2009

I have the Sight. Some time ago I had a dream about my partner's niece. I saw her whole life laid out before me and it wasn't pretty: lifelong poverty, a string of loser male lovers (none of whom will marry her), physical abuse, four fatherless children, neglect leading to further suffering for the children and a continual cycle of sheer despair. She will end up dying alone in a rural trailer, extremely obese, from heart failure at the age of 56. I told my partner and his mother but I can tell neither believed the prophecy. Both told me not to tell the niece. Since then the girl ran away from her mother. While living with a friend, she threw a hammer at the landlord. He wasn't hurt but he still called the police and pressed charges. My niece was arrested and convicted of assault. She was recently released and is now living with her grandmother. She can't find a decent job because of her criminal record and has started dating a 30+ year old man who has three children of his own THAT HE DOESN'T SUPPORT. My niece is only 20 years old. I feel like Cassandra from the Iliad.

Sender's name: Saddened
Date: 2.08.09

I'm caught in a strange position. I love the guy I'm having intercourse with, but I don't want to see him or be around him because I don't feel like he cares.

I told him no last night, multiple times. I didn't want to fool around. I wanted to cuddle and go to sleep. Eventually I just gave in.

Sender's name: The Angry Dedicant
Date: Oct. 30, 2008

I am pissed off that it has been over a month and not a word back. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I know they are all volunteers (what do they think I am, a professional?). Not a word.

I swear if I have to wait for another month and they come back with a bunch of bullshit problems I cannot be held responsible for what I might say in reply.

Way to drag someone's spiritual life in the mud and leave them hanging. I would never do it to them... never! It is unacceptable.

Sender's name: Mr. Needy
Date: 30 OCT 08

I feel as if I have so much to say but no one takes me seriously. A few people talk about how much I inspire them but for most of the world all I hear is silence.

I am not asking for much, just a Thank You, your voice is important too. Just a response to an honest inquiry.

Sender's name: Morality Bites
Date: 16 Feb. 2008

Here I am stuck lying to my parents about everything I believe, just so they will keep paying the bills while I search for a job.

Hell is being raised by Christian Fundies and the voice in your head kept saying "How can they believe this bullshit?" Then living in the constant fear that they will find out that I'm a Pagan and the shit will hit the fan. Dating a Buddhist was bad enough for them to deal with without having an apoplexy. When they find out I'm worshiping the "Devil" or so they think...

oh well, at least my friends understand me, and the Gods. And maybe one day my parents.

Sender's name: Skibbles
Date: 2/12/08

I sometimes worry that I've spread my talents too thin, and that I'll never be more than moderately good at anything.

Sender's name: Pointless Mind Candy
Date: 1/2/08

I watched every episode of "I Love Miss New York Two". I even DVR'd it!

Sender's name: Confused
Date: 27 December, 2007

He said he would never ask me to marry him and it crushed my heart. Then he kissed me.

Why would he do that?

Sender's name: there is no one there
Date: December 2007

No one sees.
No one hears.
No one feels.
No one cares.

Sincerity is only skin deep in the faces of others. Beauty within goes unnoticed. Beauty without is not recognized. Heart, soul, mind, one wants it. No longer good enough. No longer worth anything. Must keep trying. But no one will ever take the time to know.

Alone, without, lonely. What is wanted, needed and desired goes unfulfilled. The ones that are wanted, needed and desired are out of reach. The rules are set and I am the loser.

Sender's name: salamanda
Date: 11.27.07

I miss you and I hope you're doing alright. You're last post seemed kinda sad.

I'd love to hear about your plans for grad school.

Sender's name:

I worry about you and wonder if you are happy.

Sender's name: Someday
Date: 8 October, 2007

Where's my home? Everyone else has someplace to trace their roots to; they have a place to go to for shelter, for love, for warmth and acceptance, why not me? The closest I ever came to feeling at home was when I was travelling thousands of miles away from everything I ever knew. Is that supposed to happen?

Sender's name: soft sigh
Date: 10 September, 2007

I'm stuck: I can't move forwards or back. My heart is railing against time and still shrinks with cowardice. Why should I try? Why shouldn't I let my heart be broken? I must be punished. I don't want anything good, because I wasn't good to you. I must be punished.

Sender's name: Dazed

I am finally happy.

Sender's name: Quizical
Date: 08/20/07

I hit the crossroads and walked a different path than those who know me thought I would take. Now I feel that I have very little in common with many of the people I saw as acquaintances and borderline friends. I want to tell them all and make a clean break, I do not think they are healthy for me. But I am afraid I will hurt their feelings. Especially since I only want half of them to go. I wish someone could give me advice or a spine to cut them loose.

Sender's name: dans mes r?ves
Date: since forever

I can't remember the first time we kissed, but when we did it seemed that we were the only people in the world, and the kiss was that world.

Sender's name: Lost power
Date: 14 Aug 07

I lost the love of my life because I could/would not be 2nd choice to someone else!

Sender's name: Group Hug

63. But the right word at the right time may get me a little hug.

I wish someone would hug me.

Sender's name: Lost 'Between The Sheets
Date: 08/07/07

Dear Chronarchy,

Have you ever been in love? How do you know if you are?

Sender's name: Self Doubt
Date: Every day

JB says: 216. You seem to keep it all locked up inside.

I wish I could see myself through the eyes of someone I love. Maybe then I would think I am as great as they say I am; but I worry I will really be as bad as strangers claim I am (if so many people think it, it must be true right?).

I wish people would stop to take the time to tell people good things, especially to the people they love.

Sender's name: Lazy Dreamer
Date: August 6th, 2007

I had a dream that we were in the back seat of a car making out.

I do not know why as I never thought of you this way.

I have questions I want to ask you, but I am too afraid of the answers.

Sender's name: Dino Butt
Date: August 7th, 2007

I am on a journey, one that is allowing me to grow as a person. Unfortunately I am afraid that when I reach my destination I will have lost all my friends.

I admit that I do not believe many of the people I call "friends" really are, in fact the majority of them have let me down and it should be no loss if they go-- but it still hurts. I feel stuck: how do I let them know how I feel, how do I know the way I am seeing/feeling things is accurate, how do I move on?

This has come on with a bit more urgency than normal because so much of me has changed and as I do not know what people liked about me to begin with how can I be sure they'll like the changes in me now? Especially when the majority of us met for one singular connection and that connection is no longer valid for me.

I want friends who will hide bodies but who also know I would never be such an asshat as to put them in that situation to begin with. It is too hard for me to connect to people, the social games they play confuse me and small talk eludes me.

I do not think I have the strength to start over and being alone has never frightened me. I suppose, with that, my path is clear.

Sender's name: Desprate Housewife
Date: August 1st 2007

I often feel like I am stuck being a Housewife because I have failed at everything else in life.

Confession requested not to be posted.

Confession requested not to be posted.

Sender's name: On the verge
Date: 14 June 2007

I haven't said it out loud, because it might make it happen, but what if I don't do well tomorrow? What then?

Sender's name:
Date: 5/22/07

I can't stand it when someone who is obviously an amazing, wonderful person feels like they have no value. Like what they have to say and contribute has no meaning. They do and it does.

Confession requested not to be posted.

Sender's name:
Date: May 13, 2007

I often feel as though I am screaming but everyone around me is deaf. I feel like a beggar who is also the last human alive. It pains me that I require the validation of others to see my own self worth. It pains me that I am in a catch 22 in that I should have belief in myself with no care about what others think but in order to get there I need the validation given by others to feel strong enough to not care. I need to do something, but I do not know what. I am restless.

Sender's name:

There's this guy I really like. Unfortunately I am not his usual type. Shame though, we would be really great together. The whole yin/yang scenario. C'est la vie

Sender's name: Tricktrock
Date: 8/17/07

I've never met a dinosaur.

That makes me sad.
I feel like I've missed out.

Sender's name: Saddened
Date: October 4, 2006

October 4, that's the day after my birthday. It's also the day they are accusing my husband of things he is incapable of doing. No, not physically incapable, but morally incapable, incapable because it's against everything he stands for now and has ever stood for. Incapable because I know with 100% of my being that he would never ever be able to commit the acts against another human being that they are saying he did, without their permission. Some of you reading this may now realize who this is, though most of you will probably have no clue, and for that I am glad. Our "justice system" if you want to call it that has now taken a wonderful father and husband away from his family, simply because they need a scapegoat. I have done nothing but try to work in the "right" direction for myself and my family for quite some time now, and though I am young in the physical world, I feel as though at this exact point in time I am an 80 year-old woman waiting for her death bed. I love him so much, and I wish he were at home, and knowing that he won't be for some time, saddens me.

Sender's name: She Who Never Sleeps
Date: Now

I'm afraid to ever love again. My heart just keeps getting trampled.

Confession requested not to be posted.

poster did not check "okay to post" button, not posted.

Sender's name:

I habitually fall in love with all of my friends. Male and female. I'm a heartbreaker, and it generally breaks my own heart worst of all.

poster did not check "okay to post" button, not posted.

Sender's name: She Who Never Sleeps
Date: Not lately

I wish tomorrow wouldn't happen, but I'm guessing it will anyway.

Sender's name:

Often you confuse the fuck out of me, or was that you fuck the confusion out of me?

Sender's name: M
Date: .................

I am going to commit suicide after I write this

[ed. note: this was a hacked response, and no suicides were committed. It also wasn't funny. Please call 1-800-SUICIDE if you are considering suicide.]

Sender's name: Eun
Date: 11/05/05

For years I have wandered my rainforest. I have studied with a womens' spirituality group for a few years now. I am stuck at "priestess" level and cannot move on. I'm being drawn away from my group. I find myself sitting and doing ritual in a natural clearing. I don't cast circles, the trees form a natural border. My heart tells me it's a sacred spot. I honor Earth, and nature spirits. I don't call quarters or directions as my Sisters do. I use a phrase I heard sometime back, somewhere, "Fire in the middle, Earth surrounds, Sea around Earth, Sky above me." I know I need to move on, but am afraid to hurt my Sisters. I am also afraid of being so alone if I do that. I need to share my steps with others. I have been looking at ADF for so long, but I am afraid that I will find that all I have been doing is wrong, and that I am not smart enough to fully comprehend the reading requirements. 55 sounds old, but I feel like I'm really stuck at 29. I don't age, the calendar does. I have been pagan since 89. And this is such an involuntary time for my spirit to turn away from feminist spirituality and fully go with my sacred ecology. But the trees and wind, my cedar and hawthorne and holly speak more clearly than people do anymore. What a bummer.

Sender's name:
Date: 9-21-05

I'm rather slothful

Sender's name: deedeehopskotch
Date: 8/01/05

I have had unsavory thoughts about my boss. That is all.

Sender's name: anonymogirl
Date: 01/08/05

My mom didn't do something I thought she ought to have so I yelled at her. She cried. I only feel a little bad.

Sender's name: Porn Starlet
Date: July 18th, 2005

I give great head. No, seriously, really great head. Make a man's knees knock and his legs fall out from under him great head.

To confess, go to the confession form.


Content © 2003-2011, Michael J Dangler
Updated on 11/01/2011. Site Credits / Email Me!
Basic site design from
(Yes, I stole it!)

Hottest Links

Garanus Publishing

ADF & 3CG books!

Other books I've written

An ADF Ordination Application

An ADF Initiatory Experience

Completed ADF Study Program Work

Leaves of the Willow

The Jimmy Buffett Oracle