Entry 10

Driving home tonight, My mind was a mess of thoughts. I thought of what it would be like to die. Is there an after life? The druids did not believe so. They believed in Transmogrification* (?) of the soul, as detailed in Pythagoras' Metapsychosis. I am almost curious to test the theory. I considered falling asleep at the wheel, so as to feel less. . . Not that pain bothers me. . . or to jump from the Atrium at school head first, just for the hell of it.

Being a Druid, I find the desire to know almost overwhelming. The ultimate knowledge is the Secret of Death. If one knew what happened after death, depending on circumstances, he may be willing to die for many few reasons than the average person, or be afraid to lose his life if nothing came after. We are selfish like that.

I don't feel any loss if someone near me dies. I can no longer feel guilt or innocence. This is what I have lost by being myself. Do not try to be like me, for I am. . . me. Reaching Nirvana isn't everything it is cracked up to be. I am so close I can smell it, and it is caustic and acrid. No offense to anyone out there, but this is my View.

I am almost ready to open my chest with a knife, just to feel Death. . . his cold hands, his eyes of glowing embers, his fetid breath. . . You see, I seek knowledge, not death. Remember that. I will go willfuly in to the hands of Him, and be reborn, only to wish that knowledge again mine.

* Transmigration - the soul hops from one body to another. After we learn everything, we go on o to the upper world.

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