July 11, 2005 - Depression

Picked up Tina today after getting off work a bit early. I'd really missed her.

I'm reluctant to get over her. But then again, I'm certainly in no rush. There isn't a whole lot of reason to rush.

Judi once wrote in someone's LiveJournal (in a very locked entry you may not be able to access)  that I hadn't felt the true black of depression.

That's what makes depression so depressing: there's no possible way any human being could have ever felt the way you do. You're alone in that depression, and the idea that anyone could possibly approach that level of depression is unimaginable. The insinuation that someone might have felt the way you do or did somehow invalidates your feelings, and so you deny it.

This denial drives you further into that depression.

This compounds when you expect someone to feel depressed about events, such as the ending of a relationship. Instead of looking for signs that someone is depressed, you look for signs that the other person is not, and the slightest smile or faintest glimmer of joy becomes proof that indeed, they are not as miserable as you.

Now jealousy creeps into your world, and you wonder why you've been singled out.

When in reality, your life isn't any worse than anyone else's.

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