May 18, 2005 - Jealousy

Something recently reared its ugly head, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Jealousy.

Most of the people who experience it in my social circles find it a bit amusing. I am, after all, not dating any of these people.

But several times in the past week, people have told me that they're jealous of others that I hang out with.

It's not always in that language. Sometimes it's that there's "not enough time to hang out" or that someone is "being protective" of me. Last year at Wellspring I think people actually thought I was avoiding them. 

The problem is two-fold:

1. There isn't enough time at festivals. Ever.
• Every time I try to get together with everyone, no one gets enough time.
• If I try to be selective and spend more time with certain people, others start to feel left out.
• Let's not even get started on how I expect to meet new people! New people are my favourite part of a festival, but if I spend time with new people, old friends feel left out. But new people are vitally important to me.
• At DMF, I actually heard someone say "I came here to see Mike Dangler." It worries me that, in my immature and uncoordinated attempt to see old and new friends alike, someone might feel that I thought I was too good for them.
• I have a tendency to give into assertive, likable people and I like to spend time with such people.
2. People find me attractive.
• While I, personally, don't really believe that I'm attractive (you may or may not believe that, your choice), I've learned that others do sometimes believe this.
• While this is good for my ego, it appears to sometimes bring out the worst in others.
• Some other men see this as a reason to compete with me (or dislike me, or what have you), so I end up locked in pissing contests I never wanted to be in and that don't do anyone any good. This is part of why I don't participate in warrior games at festivals: I dislike the way people feel they need to compete with me, and the warrior games are a place that people need in order to draw attention to themselves. Lots of guys like to do the circle challenge and get the girls hooting at them. I don't like that, and I don't want to take that away from guys who like it (I know women might be ignoring men who are perfectly fit and good looking and watching me instead, and I'm not comfortable with that).
• But this is only half the problem.
  • It occurred to me at Desert Magic that my general attractiveness and my well-known "safeness" attracts a lot of women to me.
  • Most know I don't judge, though I do flirt.
  • Hanging out with me is a chance to flirt and not have any strings, which is doubly attractive.
  • This means that more assertive women find ways to monopolize my time.
  • This, in turn, means that some women see me flirting with someone else as simply me not wanting to flirt with them.

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