March 22, 2005 - A Dark Hall

I'm sitting in a darkened lecture hall. So dark, I cannot even see what I'm writing. I simply hope that it's legible when I go to transcribe it later.

I'm sitting here because I wanted to go somewhere away from my office, away from the noise, the people, the glowing computer screens, and the complexities of life.

I hope I'll remain undisturbed for most of the hour. With no students on campus and no professors, this lecture hall seemed ideal.

My eyes are slowly adjusting to the darkness. I don't think I'll manage to see my writing, no matter how long I sit here, but I can make out the steps I stumbled down, the shapes of the blackboards and projectors, and the computer desk down front.

Occasionally, we all just need to get away. I wish it was a beach or a mountaintop, but such things are hard to find in Ohio.

So, instead, I have escaped to the darkness.

I took tests in this room once. I never really learned anything here, but I did flirt with a very cute girl one warm autumn day while the algebra professor droned on about x's and y's.

In some ways, I'm still that kid. Unsure, uncertain, and yet still knowing what I want.

There's a myth that men will never turn down sex. It's an expectation, almost.

Some of us, though, aren't so interested. It's not that we dislike sex. It's not that we think it's dirty or wrong or even dangerous.

We flirt and we play and we tease, but we don't ask for more. And there is nothing wrong with that. Just as there is nothing wrong with being a sexually interested and active woman.

Some people only want simplicity and fun in their lives.

I am one of those men

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