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August 01, 2005 - Lughnassadh, and the ends of my search

I've finished a year of reflection, sometimes brutally honest reflection. I've learned a lot about myself and what drives me, entered a new portion of my life, and realized that nothing is ever quite what it seems.

At yesterday's ritual, I destroyed a bracelet that has been a part of me for a long time. I no longer wore it as often, but I'd had it since I started dating Tina. I bent it and threw it in the well, to go to earth.

When I pulled it out of the well later, it was completely destroyed, pulled apart in ways I could never have torn it. It was split length wise in several places, while I folded it and twisted it width wise. The Gods pulled it apart, I'm certain.

An anthropologist or student of religions would look at that and say that I was symbolically deconstructing my relationship, or I was likening my new ex-girlfriend to that piece of copper. They'd be wrong.

I was merely taking something from my life, something that I have held sacred, and sacrificing it. That's what you do in a sacrifice: you destroy the thing, making it unusable by human hands. It becomes sacred in the process.

In my mind, there was no symbolism. It was, simply put, right.

And in the end, that is why I will seek clergy status. It is simply right for me to do.

I will serve my Gods and my community.


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