March 19, 2005 - Vision

Today I was considering Vision. It's a virtue I first considered during my Dedicant Program, but today I looked at my life and wondered what the future had in store for me.

It's a wide thing, the future. Lots of it will happen, lots of it won't happen, and some of it has happened.

My Vision of a year ago (or even three weeks ago) was pretty clear: go to Grad school, get a job, study something I love.

Well, the first step has been taken away.. As it stands, grad school is not in my future.

Of course, I can still get in. I can publish and teach and work hard, and there might even be a back door I can open right now.

But it is far less likely.

As I was thinking about this in the shower this morning, though, I found myself thinking very optimistically about my future. Rather than see dead-ends, closed doors, and unknown things ahead, I saw hope. I saw open paths. I saw goals. I saw desires.

I was amused to find myself looking into the Golden Apple of Discord once again.

The visions in the Apple aren't distorted or perverse or anything else. They are possible. They are things as they could be. The Apple is full of the Chaos of Potential, that fertile and creative realm that is deep within us.

Some people think that my optimism is is faked, or that it is a façade that is hiding a deeper self. I generally let them think that. The glimpses I've had of this Apple show that my optimism is not a mask; it is a deeper self. it is my true self.

The visions in the Apple all spoke to the future as bright. In the forefront was the possibility of clergy status if I begin the training. Slightly behind was success in business and making friends in higher places, being well-liked and well-paid. Beyond that was a distant graduation, school permanently behind me, and a new set of choices ahead.

Eris showed me my options, now I have to figure out which ones to take, and how to get there.

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