A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS by Lord Omar

The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the
ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument by
asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply ask "Did you know 
that God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?" If he should answer "Yes." 
then he probably is a fellow Erisian and so you can forget it. If he says 
"No." then quickly proceed to:

THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl, and His name is
ERIS!" Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear him 
into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind. If he does 
not appear convinced, then proceed to:

THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without 
Faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:

THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know what
happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell him that he
will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the
poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean thing to say), just shake
your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:

THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and
confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think did all 
of this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal forces." then 
quickly respond with:

THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is absolutely
right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that Her name is 
ERIS. If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally 
resort to:

THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated people
like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an Ineffable
Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really more like a 
poem than like a science and that he is liable to be turned into a Precious 
Mao Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud if he does not 
get hip. Then put him on your mailing list.

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