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Fluffy Bunny - n. A person who: believes everything she* reads, believes Wicca is 3 days older than dirt, makes her religion up as she goes along, is a feminist because it's "cool" or because she's female, believes Anton LaVey has something useful to say, believes
Aleister Crowley was a "bad man" and racist to boot, will seduce anyone but won't cast a love spell because it "harms someone," is into Tantra for all the wrong reasons, reads Tarot by reading the person instead of the cards, hates Christians because of the Burning Times or because church was boring despite having a crush on her pastor,
has no clue who Oberon Zell is, thinks runes or Ogham are "too advanced" or "too complicated," believes all religions are the same and thus she has the right to mix and match them all, has never read the book but has an opinion on it, hosts a "Wicca 101" webpage, is "really honestly" descended from gypsies or druids or witches, wears a pentacle to get a reaction, asks for information but never offers her own, colour codes magic in blacks and whites, has a Celtic or Norse pantheon but works in a Greek mythological paradigm,
believes the myth of matriarchal prehistory is fact and that the Pale Patriarchal Penis People
destroyed destroyed the peaceful beatnik gynocentric cultures, claims to love nature but camps in a cabin,
cites a specific page reference in Drawing Down the Moon because she
knows damn well you haven't read it either, refers to her cat or goldfish as her "familiar," thinks that those evil Romans had no right to impose themselves on the peace-loving Etruscans or Gauls, knows that the secrets of Druidic lore come from ancient Atlantis, invokes Eris because She's cool, expects Eris to listen to her when called, prays loudly to the Goddess when others pray silently to God, thinks she is the reincarnation of Morgan LaFey or Guenevere, plants trees on Arbour Day while using up tonnes of paper writing and rewriting in her precious Book of Shadows, thinks she is descended from some "real" witch who was burned at Salem, uses the internet to poke fun at other's ways,
is descended from from a Third Degree grandmother who came out of New Forest,
requests every sabbat and esbat off work because "Christians get
Christmas", became Wiccan because it was what she "always believed," can't do real Magic because she believes that Magic is purely mental and can't manifest on the physical plane in the form of fire from heaven or lightning from the
fingertips, can't do real Magic because she believes that Magic is purely
physical and only manifests on the physical plane in the form of fire from
heaven or lightning from the fingertips, doesn't feel the need to dismiss the
Watchtowers, agonizes over decisions of what to wear to a ritual, believes the only way to worship is skyclad even if she's in public or a group, interprets dreams via a dream dictionary or Freudian psychology, hates her parents because they didn't approve of her choice in religion,
Thinks Isaac Bonewits is "hard to understand", wears a pentacle simply because Christians are allowed to wear
crosses, read the 21 Lessons of Merlyn and now claims to be a "real
Druid" or corrects your Celtic history by citing it, refuses to define
herself as eclectic while showing all the signs of it, has gone vegan because she can't stand to hurt animals,
uses angels to call the Quarters and insists that this is a Wiccan thing, actually believes what's written in the Necronomicon, uses sex magic more often than candle magic (or tries to), doesn't actually study Magic but "once read a book on how to write spells," thinks that pacifism is the answer to every problem, thinks it's better to be "broomcloseted" than to come out to her parents even if she's 30 years old, "studies" religions by finding out what she doesn't like about the religion and then claiming the whole religion is bunk on this single factor, once read half of
The Spiral Dance and a quarter of To Ride a Silver Broomstick and is now an expert on Wicca with a Third Degree initiation, doesn't like missionaries who are only doing what they think is right and tries to tell them how they are wrong based on what she thinks is right, believes vampires or UFO's or astral beings can be contacted for great knowledge, doesn't believe it was a weather balloon, uses a Ouji board made by Parker Bros. to divine the future or call up spirits, loved
The Wicker Man, believes "every woman a witch" whether those women want to be one or not, "dabbles" in Santeria or the Kabala or Shamanism without wanting to understand or fully participate in the religion or system, worships Kali but pales at the sight of blood and isn't interested in Hindu mythology, follows either a right-hand or left-hand path, won't read the Bible for any reason, is afraid of Christianity, and/or does not fit any of these definitions at all. Really. Content © 2003, Michael J Dangler |