Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, Thuggee knife, service revolver, garlic, Yellow Sign, cabfare, condoms, and change.

-from How To Be a Cultist, item # 6

A kit like the one described above is probably the most useful thing a Chaote can carry. I found the description one day on K. Buxton's page on Discordianism, one of my favourite pages to visit. I'm working on my own kit (the last piece being that service revolver, as I don't currently own a gun), and wanted to provide information on how and where to get some Good Stuff™ for such kits.

Candles

Candles are easy: I recommend at least five (for five corners to a pentacle) as the standard, but more could be included for those emergency hexa- and heptagrams that we all use when dealing with otherworld entities and Elder Gods. I also suggest a variety of colours. There's nothing quite as embarrassing as showing up to a summoning ritual with the wrong coloured candle.

Chalk

There are many kinds of chalk: teacher's chalk, sidewalk chalk, glow-in-the-dark chalk. . . All of these can be used easily. You might want to make sure that you wrap it up in something to keep everything from becoming covered in chalk dust, though. I highly recommend the glow-in-the-dark kind, because nothing quite "pops" to Candarian Demons quite like a light green phosphoresce.

Incense

If we're thinking of purification, you'll want some sandalwood or even frankincense. Scents like rose, cinnamon, and "flower bouquet" just don't strike fear into the heart of a Great Old One. Please, think of what you might need it for. And remember something to burn it in, and matches to light it!

Silver Knife

Raid your grandmother's silverware if you want a real silver blade, but even then you're unlikely to find a knife with actual silver on it (most silverware knives are made with stainless steal). If you're looking for a really good blade that's coated in silver, I suggest Omega Artworks, who make wonderful swords and knives with beautiful handles, and will coat the blade in silver for an additional charge.

Thuggee Knife

My model for this kind of knife came from the classic movie Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I did some searches and came across a picture of a prop dagger from the same movie, which looks like this:

I did some checking, and the closest knives to this kind are Persian pesh kabz, though I also looked at jambiyas and khanjars as possible "Thuggee knives" In the end, it came down to going with the movie look, because we all know that cultists are just like the movies. The dagger I finally picked has the oh-so-eloquent name of "Horse Head Dagger."

Service Revolver

The term "service revolver" is one that throws many people. It basically indicates the kind of revolver that police are issued as their "standard." Most police carry semi-automatic weapons now here in the States, though, so what we're really looking for is probably something more on the order of the "service revolver" given out between the twenties and the fifties. Revolvers are particularly nice because they have a good look to them, and it's easy to keep track of how many bullets you have left, even if they don't hold as many as more modern guns.

Besides, if you can't kill it with about six shots, I don't think more ammunition is going to help.

I generally suggest something from Smith & Wesson. It's doubtful that someone needs a Colt Peacemaker for this particular part of the kit.

Go for a small or medium frame revolver. Again, if you land six shots into something and it's still coming, adding more power behind those shots is unlikely to help.

Garlic

Because these kits don't get used much (you know, ideally), I suggest dried minced garlic. While the fresh stuff is optimal and garlic salt will do in a pinch, the minced stuff is most likely to work best for this kit.

Yellow Sign

My "forbidden" page (Error 403) contains a pic of the Yellow Sign. Designed to keep the evil out, the Yellow Sign is a must have for anyone who might come across cultists (or might want to be one, for safety's sake). 

Cabfare

Not as simple as it once was, this comes to about $40 in today's cab market. Given the propensity of large otherworldly demons and Elder Gods to step on cars, though, you might just need to call a cab, even if you have your own car.

Condoms

These have a multitude of good uses beyond the obvious. They have been used in the desert by US troops to keep sand out of gun barrels, can be used to transport water, making balloon animals for children to distract them from the giant tentacled monster chasing you, and they could even be used as a makeshift latex glove in an emergency first aid situation.

Of course, for the obvious use, make sure you buy the right size. And check those expiration dates.

Change

The average pay-phone now costs about 50¢, so be prepared. Toll booths in Chicago run about 80¢, and even vending machines are going up in price. It never hurts to have a little over a dollar in change, various small coins. Of course, if the currency of your country is in coins for small denominations (I'm looking at you, Canada and Europe), you might look to have over $5 in coinage.

Content © 2003 - 2006, Michael J Dangler
Updated on 06/13/2006. Site Credits / Email Me!
Basic site design from ADF.org
(Yes, I stole it!)