Why Cockroaches?

Many, many people have wondered why I don't have a problem with cockroaches. They're weird, they're bugs, and they have a very, very bad image problem.

I can agree with that.

However, insinuating that they're dirty, disgusting, carry disease, eat small children, or whatever else you may make up about them is just plain wrong. They didn't do anything to you, and here you are accusing them of all manner of social ills!

(If you were attacked by one the size of a house in the Congo, then maybe I can accept your whining. Otherwise, give them a break!)

Anyway, we've all heard that the Cockroach would be the only thing that would survive nuclear winter. They're hardy little critters. We all know that they multiply like crazy.

The largest-ever complete fossil of a cockroach was found by my alma mater, Ohio State. (pics) It's 3.5 inches long, compared to a 1.5 inch American Cockroach.

So why are these things important to me? Why on earth do I like them?

Well, for one thing (the most important thing to me), my patron Saint is St. Gulik, whom you can see at the top of the page (taken from principiadiscordia.com, page number listed on the picture). He is the messenger of the Goddess Eris, and often appears when She is with you (how often do you see a cockroach in non-chaotic times?).

St. Gulik is all cockroaches, at all times. Even the female ones. When you see a cockroach, you are meant to see him. He always has a message from Eris, even if that message is nothing more enlightening than, "Hi, I'm here!" or, "You really need to fumigate!"

He has many abililites, one of which is to stop time. This is why, when you kill a cockroach, you don't really kill it. Instead, as your foot/newspaper/poison gas descends, St. Gulik stops time, replaces himself with an empty shell of a bug that has some squishy substance in it, and disappears. So, for your information, you have never, ever killed a cockroach. You don't need to apologize, either, because he knows you weren't trying to actually kill *him*, you were trying to kill a bug.

It is from him that I received my Discordian name: Pope Cockroach the Green.

Pope Cockroach the Green, POEE,
Devotee to St. Gulik, Emperor and Lord Protector of the Lands Between State Lines, Chairman of the Committee to Move Independence Day back to July 2, Keeper of Souls stolen by photographs, Chief Librarian of all libraries on the Moon, Second Assistant to the ResNet Goddess, Fifth Poet of the State of Chaos, Excommunicator of YOU, De-excommunicator of YOU, Preceptor of the Emperor's New Clothes Coven, Chief Hunter and Skinner of Fluffy Bunnies, Lounge Singer at the Hotel Nirvana, Game Warden for the Happy Hunting Grounds, and National Swashbuckler for the Nation of Djibouti.

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