Where did this come from? It all started with a comment to me about using the words "penis" and "thong" in a submission to Oak Leaves. My rendition got such laughter that I had to finish it out. Here's the first verse I came up with, and the actual song is below:

We all were shocked to see the thong, hurrah, hurrah! 
The penis was just so very wrong, hurrah, hurrah! 
We didn't know just what to do, 
so we sealed Ian's pants with superglue, 
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Ritualizing to the Beat of a Different Ant:

We went down to the Grove in June, hurrah, hurrah!
We sang and hummed a mournful tune, hurrah, hurrah!
There are no fun chants that we sing,
We all are dying from ennui,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

We walked into the grove clockwise, hurrah, hurrah!
We slowed down as our dirge arised, hurrah, hurrah!
We stopped before we fell asleep,
the chant so dry it dragged our feet,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

The Senior Druid he called aloud, hurrah, hurrah!
We heard him call to earth and bowed, hurrah, hurrah!
He talked some more about the dirt
The ending phrase it was curt,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

The Bard called out for inspiration, hurrah, hurrah!
It seemed that train had left the station, hurrah, hurrah!
He talks about it from a script,
We wish he'd memorize his schtick,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

We closed our eyes and looked inside, hurrah, hurrah!
Our hands were clasped our faces high, hurrah, hurrah!
We sought our center high and low
the SD led us blow by blow
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

The Seer's voice rang in the Well, hurrah, hurrah!
she held aloft a silver bell, hurrah, hurrah!
Her voice it warbled through the air
And I was pulling out my hair
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

The Fire blazed before the Bard, hurrah, hurrah!
he read his words from an index card, hurrah, hurrah!
Inspiration hadn't struck,
I hoped to be hit by a truck,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

The Tree it got the dumbest things, hurrah, hurrah!
A bit o' incense and water spring, hurrah, hurrah!
They threw it on the tree for show,
And didn't care where it did go,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Then someone began to speak, hurrah, hurrah!
'bout why we're here but it was weak, hurrah, hurrah!
We knew all about the holiday,
but she told us again anyway,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Next we told the nasties, "Go," hurrah, hurrah!
We called them names and told them so, hurrah, hurrah!
We probably shouldn't have called them that
Cuz they're commin' back with a baseball bat
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

The senior druid stepped forward proud, hurrah, hurrah!
He raised his hands and called aloud, hurrah, hurrah!
The gatekeeper came to the grove,
We were all relieved that he showed,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Our fearless leader stood stock still, hurrah, hurrah!
He raised his hand and let it mill, hurrah, hurrah!
We rolled our eyes to watch the Gates
Open and flood all over the place,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

I plugged my ears as the Seer sounded, hurrah, hurrah!
The Ancestors called were most confounded, hurrah, hurrah!
We know they came from down to up
Hoping to shut our Seer up
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Crump'ling paper announced the Bard, hurrah, hurrah!
is memorization really that hard, hurrah, hurrah!
She called out to the Noble Ones
And I thought that we were undone,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Now again the leader came up, hurrah, hurrah!
The olive oil in a dixie cup, hurrah, hurrah!
He called out to the Shining Gods
and fire nearly burned his bod,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Recovering from his brush with fright, hurrah, hurrah!
Druid began the last summons that night, hurrah, hurrah!
He called out to the patron God
Of grapes and dance who's somewhat odd,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

What happened next I daren't repeat, hurrah, hurrah!
Let's just say we lost our feet, hurrah, hurrah!
We didn't know what we had done
but I seem to remember lots of fun,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Praises were sung when we all came to, hurrah, hurrah!
Suddenly we were two by two, hurrah, hurrah!
The praises continued for quite some time
I think someone sacrificed a mime
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

O! my knees are scuffed from kneeling here, hurrah, hurrah!
What caused my off'rings to all be beer, hurrah, hurrah!
Head is bowed in confused quiet, 
Back is aching from bacchic riot, 
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Our leader brought out a bowl with spout, hurrah, hurrah!
We chanted a dirge then poured it out, hurrah, hurrah!
Our final offering to the Powers
Was this sweet water and some flowers
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Our Seer sat upon the ground, hurrah, hurrah!
And drew three runes with nary a sound, hurrah, hurrah!
Omens looked bad but they sounded good
I quietly snickered in my hood,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

A bowl was brought out with water sweet, hurrah, hurrah!
and everybody shuffled their feet, hurrah, hurrah!
We all got doused with holy spray,
And received our blessings on that day,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

As children yawned and adults sighed, hurrah, hurrah!
It was time to end and go inside, hurrah, hurrah!
The Powers were thanked in backwards order
The Gates were closed in hasty torture,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

We sang a dirge as we walked out, hurrah, hurrah!
And sweaty people hug and shout, hurrah, hurrah!
The reason we're here of course is the food
Why else would we sit through a ritual so rude,
And we all went bending down,
to the ground
to kiss our goddess' ass. . .

Content © 2003 - 2004, Michael J Dangler
Updated on 07/28/2004. Site Credits / Email Me!
Basic site design from ADF.org
(Yes, I stole it!)