Entry 5

I know, Godsdamn it! I didn't do it, and I resent myself and my hind and everything else that denied me the ability to speak those 3 simple words, that aren't "I love you" or "Marry me, E." I used everything to its greatest advantage, except that I didn't make her completely helpless. I suppose that could be seen as a flaw, or as a blessing, even though . . . well, Nevermind.

Now what do I do? I cannot see her next week, nor will I be able to say anything to her after that. What was denied me once will be denied again. This I Know. . .

But my problem stems, not from My . . . but from my lack of Experience. I lived a lie for a good 3-4 years, trying to avoid being worried about or even set-up. I know this hurt those close to me, especially K., and, as a side note, J., but I could do nothing else. My fear . . . Nay, my Misanthropic tendancies caused this period of . . . Neglect. What I missed in those years can never be made up. Knowledge is Power. It is the only and greatest Power. What I missed those years was an understanding and general Knowledge of all my Surroundings. I know Nothing of KY girls, Nothing of Southern life, Nothing of the 8 years I lived there. What kind of Druid doesn't learn? But I digress.

My chance to gain one of the most beautiful and intellegent girls in the school . . . No, my life . . . is gone, as ashes on a windy day. What happens now, Any relationship, will be purely Platonic, not by choice, but by reason alone . . . What Kind of Druid indeed?

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